i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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