Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
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