At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
