I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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