Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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