I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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