i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
