I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I could fuck to npr.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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