Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
4 words: hood of his car
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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