just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
