Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
