was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
