The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
