I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's always time for handjobs
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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