It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
