well you can't waste a boner
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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