Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
