my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
