once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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