Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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