just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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