I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
