i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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