Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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