worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
