strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
