Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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