Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
