So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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