is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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