I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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