it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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