i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
