Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
