the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
