Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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