who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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