Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
