Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
