hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
