i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
