Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
