I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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