AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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