you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
