4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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