after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
