I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
