Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
