You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
